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The grandparent-grandchild bond is like none other. Those of us fortunate enough to know and remember our grandparents, retain those precious memories for a lifetime. Whenever I was home sick from school, my grandfather always picked up a small gift for me at the local drugstore. Paper dolls were my favorite. His visit, along with my "surprise" always perked up my spirits and made the long day more tolerable. That small gesture on his part is still a memory I cherish.
All grandparents begin with the best of intentions, yet no relationship is without it's mistakes. Here's a bit of wisdom gathered from other grandparents.
Understand the arrival of a grandchild makes one a new person with a new place within the family. Identity, relationships and roles shift. People sometimes fail to realize there's a major difference between parenting and grandparenting. When this happens, family conflict is sure to follow.
Prepare for grandparenthood by self-examination and talking with the parents-to-be about your feelings. Parents are the linchpin of the relationship between you and your grandchild.
Failure to listen is a common grandparenting mistake. On-going, open lines of communication are very important for
grandchild-grandparent relationships. It takes effort to listen, but it's worth every minute of your investment. Sharpen your listening skills. A big part of communication means staying in touch, no matter where you live. If miles separate you, learn e-mail, or buy a fax machine. Call weekly.
Stay on good terms with in-laws and your grandchilds parents. All new parents have insecurities and they need your support, not your criticism. They must make their own mistakes, and learn from them, just as you did. Work on being non-judgmental, and fight the urge to take control. Remember, sometimes the best advice is no advice.
Recognize grandparenting requires growth. Changes in personality and attitude may be necessary to be an effective grandparent. Keep an open mind to the new styles of clothing, music, and unusual hairstyles! Although the outside may look different, inside we're all still the same. Grandkids, regardless of the latest fad, need your unconditional love.
Failure to spend one-on-one time with your grandchild is another common mistake. Family get-togethers are great, but your grandchild needs personal attention, which can only happen in a one-on-one setting. In a relaxed atmosphere, your grandchild can truly blossom and will be more apt to share their feelings, desires and dreams.
Share their world. Although their generation may seem vastly different from your own, you have more in common than you realize. Children of every generation want to absorb their grandparents essence and legacy. Attend their ballgames, recitals and other organized activities whenever possible. Ask to meet their friends and don't worry too much about "entertaining" them. Children understand the concept of "just being."
A good grandparent is devoted to the family and has a vision of the family as extending from the past into the future.
The grandparent's role is to foster that vital connection which spans three generations. Pass along stories of your childhood and memories of your own grandparents. Encourage children's natural curiosity about their family heritage.
Delete the word "must" from your vocabulary. It's not the grandparents role to tell children what they must or must not do. If some discipline is needed, try to be as laid back as possible. Be flexible about the rules of everyday living such as diet or bedtime. Break the rules once in a while and let your grandchildren order all desserts or stay up until midnight.
Lead by personal example, rather than words. Strive for a balanced life with time for family, friends, work and play, so your grandkids will understand life can be full at any age.
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